DRAMA OF FAITH

At one moment in our life we feel absolutely loved by God.  

Loved and I love Him. (express it with feelings)

 And then suddenly, you begin to question, demand, feel anguish, frustrated!  

And at another instant, praise Him! Adore! Contemplate His glory! 

After which silence followed, as if God is unreachable. Silence that shatters your being.  That feeling of being abandoned by Him.  Reaching to the point of saying,

 ‘ My God, where are you? Do you even exist?’

 Yet, the answer remain silent.

Who can escape any of these? Not even holy people, or saints.  How much more you and me, don’t you agree?

But looking at the cross, like Jesus who shouted feeling in despair,

  ‘My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?’

He feel silent before God. And realized the truth about the Father. 

‘The Father loved me.  I am His beloved child. I am loved.’

And that brought him peace. He conquered the suffering on the thought of DEATH.  

Because LOVE IS BEYOND FEELING...

FAITH IS NOT A FEELING. IT IS KNOWING.

Knowing what?

Knowing that no matter what I have done, what I will do. 

I AM GOD'S BELOVED CHILD.

 He loves me for no reason. And God doesn’t care whether I return that love or not.

I will continue to love God imperfectly. That will be enough – for now J

<excerpts from 2014 notes>

LOVE IS BLIND

image from: http://health.9news.com/images/articles/heart_eyes.jpg

My Lord, you covered my sight

And opened the eyes of my heart.

It is walking not by sight,

But by your might and love.

You prevented me to see things with beauty,

Splendor or none at all!

Yet this, all these things are temporary and may lose from my eyes.

Is it beauty I seek?

Is it gracefulness?

Is it lust?

None my Lord, cover my eyes..

That judges anyone or anything unpleasant.

Everyone has eyes for good and not good.

I seek only the truth,

And most of the time my eyes is fooled.

Love is blind, it cannot see anything not good.

Love is blind, it cannot judge.

Love is blind, for it opens itself for only the truth.

Love is blind for it is always patient.

Love is blind, for it never recognize no one..but only the HEART.

<excerpts from 2014 notes>

WOMAN OF LITTLE FEET!

Excerpt from Desert Day journal
Silent Battle and Miracles
March 1, 2015
Holy Spirit School, QC

I slept and had a strange dream..I was in this place out here, as I struggle to contemplate. I slept and in my dream... I struggle too and slept. 

I was with the devil and Jesus. We walked through life and he asked me, "Do you really believe that He loves you?" And Jesus was just silent.   He  showed me the world - disasters, my favorite friend got sick and we came to a house in a snow. "Do you know that in that house, someone died single? Do you still believe that He loves you?" And then he laughed.

And so we came to this very spot where I am sitting right now as I write.   They are two big man. (I'm in their middle). "How can you say that He loves you?" I looked at the devil blankly.  I took the hands of Jesus. He laughed and they both laughed. Jesus said, " Oh that again. the nails!" And they laughed. 

 I feel... that even me, I am not fully convinced with that answer of mine. DO I REALLY BELIEVE THAT IS HOW MUCH HE LOVES? Or was it just an idea because eversince I was young, that is what is taught in the church, in schools, in songs, in tv, in Superbook, by the preaching, in books. I just don't know what to answer or how to answer. I just hugged Jesus. 

The devil traced my feet on the ground (my little feet) and the feet of Jesus. (see below... please do imagine a better image)

We all looked at the feet drawing, sabi ko lang... "It's funny." And he laughed. I awoke in that dream, and my present dream.

I woke up and started to cry.  I hugged my Bible and really feel that I was here (now). Alive! 

I shared my dream with my PLW family during our community meditation, no matter how irrelevant for others it may seem.  I asked them, why did the devil laughed?  They all laughed as well and jokingly said. Because your feet was little compared to Jesus.  You were a "Woman of little feet" or was it "Woman of little faith" as feet - faith mispelled.  

Still, the question of that devil lingered... 

"DO YOU LOVE HIM? DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT HE LOVES YOU?"

"Thank You my God, because it was all a nightmare. The bad dream of a night that now belongs to the past. Meanwhile, give me patience and hope Your will be done. Amen"

(Excerpt from Encounter Book Prayer - Times of Depression)