DRAMA OF FAITH

At one moment in our life we feel absolutely loved by God.  

Loved and I love Him. (express it with feelings)

 And then suddenly, you begin to question, demand, feel anguish, frustrated!  

And at another instant, praise Him! Adore! Contemplate His glory! 

After which silence followed, as if God is unreachable. Silence that shatters your being.  That feeling of being abandoned by Him.  Reaching to the point of saying,

 ‘ My God, where are you? Do you even exist?’

 Yet, the answer remain silent.

Who can escape any of these? Not even holy people, or saints.  How much more you and me, don’t you agree?

But looking at the cross, like Jesus who shouted feeling in despair,

  ‘My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?’

He feel silent before God. And realized the truth about the Father. 

‘The Father loved me.  I am His beloved child. I am loved.’

And that brought him peace. He conquered the suffering on the thought of DEATH.  

Because LOVE IS BEYOND FEELING...

FAITH IS NOT A FEELING. IT IS KNOWING.

Knowing what?

Knowing that no matter what I have done, what I will do. 

I AM GOD'S BELOVED CHILD.

 He loves me for no reason. And God doesn’t care whether I return that love or not.

I will continue to love God imperfectly. That will be enough – for now J

<excerpts from 2014 notes>

LOVE IS BLIND

image from: http://health.9news.com/images/articles/heart_eyes.jpg

My Lord, you covered my sight

And opened the eyes of my heart.

It is walking not by sight,

But by your might and love.

You prevented me to see things with beauty,

Splendor or none at all!

Yet this, all these things are temporary and may lose from my eyes.

Is it beauty I seek?

Is it gracefulness?

Is it lust?

None my Lord, cover my eyes..

That judges anyone or anything unpleasant.

Everyone has eyes for good and not good.

I seek only the truth,

And most of the time my eyes is fooled.

Love is blind, it cannot see anything not good.

Love is blind, it cannot judge.

Love is blind, for it opens itself for only the truth.

Love is blind for it is always patient.

Love is blind, for it never recognize no one..but only the HEART.

<excerpts from 2014 notes>

WOMAN OF LITTLE FEET!

Excerpt from Desert Day journal
Silent Battle and Miracles
March 1, 2015
Holy Spirit School, QC

I slept and had a strange dream..I was in this place out here, as I struggle to contemplate. I slept and in my dream... I struggle too and slept. 

I was with the devil and Jesus. We walked through life and he asked me, "Do you really believe that He loves you?" And Jesus was just silent.   He  showed me the world - disasters, my favorite friend got sick and we came to a house in a snow. "Do you know that in that house, someone died single? Do you still believe that He loves you?" And then he laughed.

And so we came to this very spot where I am sitting right now as I write.   They are two big man. (I'm in their middle). "How can you say that He loves you?" I looked at the devil blankly.  I took the hands of Jesus. He laughed and they both laughed. Jesus said, " Oh that again. the nails!" And they laughed. 

 I feel... that even me, I am not fully convinced with that answer of mine. DO I REALLY BELIEVE THAT IS HOW MUCH HE LOVES? Or was it just an idea because eversince I was young, that is what is taught in the church, in schools, in songs, in tv, in Superbook, by the preaching, in books. I just don't know what to answer or how to answer. I just hugged Jesus. 

The devil traced my feet on the ground (my little feet) and the feet of Jesus. (see below... please do imagine a better image)

We all looked at the feet drawing, sabi ko lang... "It's funny." And he laughed. I awoke in that dream, and my present dream.

I woke up and started to cry.  I hugged my Bible and really feel that I was here (now). Alive! 

I shared my dream with my PLW family during our community meditation, no matter how irrelevant for others it may seem.  I asked them, why did the devil laughed?  They all laughed as well and jokingly said. Because your feet was little compared to Jesus.  You were a "Woman of little feet" or was it "Woman of little faith" as feet - faith mispelled.  

Still, the question of that devil lingered... 

"DO YOU LOVE HIM? DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT HE LOVES YOU?"

"Thank You my God, because it was all a nightmare. The bad dream of a night that now belongs to the past. Meanwhile, give me patience and hope Your will be done. Amen"

(Excerpt from Encounter Book Prayer - Times of Depression)

Now a 2-year old PLW Guide

October 7, 2014 - So much has happened since I was send forth as a PLW guide last 2012.   As I review some notes from my PLW formation journal, I was reminded of the people I was grateful for...
sharing these ( Unedited)

October 7, 2012 - Desert day and Sending Forth

A LETTER OF LOVE AND THANKS

May the last pages of this journal be a letter of thanks  who helped me through my journey

 in PLW Life and friendship.

Lord, 

Thank you so much first of all to you for everything you've shown and given me.  Forgive me at times I was ungrateful for the happiness and trials you sent me in order for me to grow, love more and become closer to you.  I love you dearly, beloved Jesus.

I thank you for Dra. Joy Lara, for being a mother, friend and guide.  Very consistent, insistent, patient, peaceful and loving.

I thank you for sis Emi, I learned a lot from her as a teacher and a friend.  Most is a guide who's most wisdom I value, especially 'How and what a guide is expected to be and should become.'  I value a lot from her, like 'I commit', discipline with time; heart,grace+effort during preparation, being responsible, value of sacred half hour, and a lot more.

I thank you for sis Edna, she is my model as a guide also.  She is honest and put so much heart and soul everytime she speaks about Jesus and prayer.  I value how she corrects me at the end of the sessions and appreciation if all was well. 

 'The participants should feel and understand your explanation.  So put your heart and soul in it.  The Spirit.'

I thank sis Connie and sis Amie, they are like my great ates'.  We have strength and weakness, uniqueness.  But I value every honesty and their patience in listening to my stories and sharing theirs, including their impressions and also insights in some things I barely understand on what I was going through.  It helped me very,very, well.

I thank sis Gaye, she is like a dear friend, reflects or let me see my own reflection if I cannot see.  Help me realize, process a lot of things by sharing her stories and insights.

I thank You for sis Luisa, for her thoughts and reflections.  No one is perfect, but still, everyone is loved by God.  Her wisdom guides me.

I thank You for sis Kath and Che, they are so kind and I learn a lot from them, especially about life and love.  I also love sharing stories with them. :)

Bro. Derrick, I look at him as a model, his way of giving workshop, and positivity in everything.

Kuya Tomas, I learn a lot from his journey and experience, including his stubborness and I laugh a lot with him. (hahaha!)

To all the guides during the culmination week.  Their experience, passion and love for family and service in the evangelizing task.  It inspired me as a newbie and as a lover of Christ.

To my angels - Rem, Chard, Irene and Evan.  Thank you for the friendship and love. I learn a lot from them.  I was loved, hurt, greatly challenged, tested as a person and as a Christian.  I learn a love about ACCEPTANCE- love as is, where is.  Love is unconditional and has no expectations.  PASSION FOR SERVICE- it doesn't count the cost, the weather, health, physical circmumstances, serving the suffering Christ with everything available to give. TIME- time is only limited like a sower who's only given time to plant and not to harvest.  I have more seeds to plant.  Let God do the growing and let others harvest.  LETTING GO- there's so much to do.  So never ever cling or tie yourself to a friend or even to something.  It might break your purpose or drag you down.  Even lead you to possessiveness. Its scary! PATIENCE- waaaah! I couldn't say more! But it leads me to understand.  TEARS - made me realize true love.  COMPASSION - I would never ever maybe understand what compassion is until I needed and felt it through you.  FRIENDSHIP - is never bounded.  A friend is a friend forever. No limits.  LOVE - I can't even thank you enough.  I vow to be the best of friend I can be with all that I am and with the love of Christ.  Forgive me sometimes If I am being selfish.  But know that I love you and you had been a special part of me.

PLW BACOLOD MISSION - A STORY OF GRACE

November 30, 2013

Speech on Sharing of experience on Annual Reunion of PLW Guides as a Bacolod Missionary 

I am a new guide. I have been send forth October 2012 last year. I had my 1^st PLW sessions last January with Sis Connie Vasquez as co-guide here at Bago Bantay, Quezon City.  We have 3 PLW sessions in Bacolod, every Saturday. Two at Palau Youth Center, La Salle Avenue  - 10 am and 3pm session and 7pm session at Tangub parish.

 FEAST BACOLOD and PLW BACOLOD DREAM

The dream started when Kimee and Rinah, former participants who have not completed the workshop, asked if there is a possibility of bringing PLW to Bacolod.  I won’t forget November 2012 last year, during the Kerygma conference,   Bro. Bo asked everyone asked everyone to write on a white flag the dream we wanted to surrender the following year. Rinah and I shared with the flag provided. On one side she wrote, the Feast Bacolod and on the other side I wrote PLW Bacolod. 

                

We raised that white flag with certainty, proclaiming the dream. Not knowing how it would happen.  But God always gave amazing surprises. =)

December 28, 2012, since I had a scheduled visit for an ministry activity in Bacolod, I met with Rinah and Kimee  and with those who are interested in PLW , and gave them an overview.  Some friends from Bacolod and Iloilo also joined us and shared their experience. 

 "There is a need for prayer. And how do we pray?... that is why we offer the prayer and life
 workshop." - I love this part na kahit sa kabilang table, listened well after hearing this part and
 listened also to the sharing of personal experience of former plw participants.

 

         PLW Bacolod meeting with Rinah Marie Vinco, Kimee, Intercessory Head -Feast Bacolod,
 friends and former plw participants - December 28, 2012  at Island Spoon

       On January 19, 2013 Rinah met with Manila guides for update on PLW Bacolod Plans.

Then Tito Domeng visited Bacolod for plans and orientation.

GOD’S GENEROUSITY and PROVIDENCE

We had the dream, but where to get the funds? We started to share the dream to other former participants and other co-guides, they wanted to contribute for the dream so they pledge to sponsor for two-way airfare.  That gave us high hopes.  Sponsors keep coming. I told myself, it is really happening.

THE KEY WAS SURRENDER

It came to a pause when I was told that priority will be given to Cebu mission, so PLW Bacolod was still uncertain for July cycle. This broke my heart and left me crying all night asking God, why did He placed this desire in my heart and yet won’t push thru. I prepared well for the trip – my health, cleared my weekend skeds, adjusted with my ministry work for I was very sure I will be going to Bacolod. I even had my vocal chords medically checked (no kidding!) That night, prayed the Hymn of Abandonment. “Not my will, Lord, but yours. Your plans are always better than mine.” This gave me peace. Kinabukasan, nagulat ako with a surprise call from Tito Domeng that PLW Bacolod will start on July 13 onwards, and about to book several “sponsored” flights. Surprises kept coming. Rinah and Kimee at the same time in Bacolod do the promotions, attending community gatherings (Bukas Loob sa Diyos, Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon, LOJ), visiting parishes talking to priests and friends. In less than a month, 16 flights were booked na. The Key was surrender. God showed me what little I can do and what He can do if I allowed Him and other people.

 Thank you for those who sponsored for the Bacolod trip. For the former PLW participants, co-guides and others. I know only of a few, the rest I don’t know. Maraming salamat po. Si Lord na bahala mag reward for your generosity and support for the mission.

MISSIONARY EXPERIENCE

My initial response doing the mission work was EXCITEMENT. Na sa sobrang excited, di nakatulog for my first flight to Bacolod with Bro. Derrick.  I woke up late and arrived at the airport, last call na and passengers are about to board. But I felt grateful dahil mabait ang taxi driver and airport staffs were very accommodating. I bet God was laughing with us but at the same time embraces and says, ‘Do not be afraid, I am with you.’  

I have a lot to share about my experience. but I had an unforgettable message during my August desert day I had in Bacolod which was very true for me.

His words through the book Embraced by Bro. Bo:

Do you seek tangible results in your service?

Be faithful to the routine of planting and plowing and watering. Beloved, that is your task. Whether you harvest abundantly is not your primary concern.  Often child, you seek the wrong fruit from your work.  You concern yourself with numbers, goals and successes, while I concern myself with the increased holiness of your soul, the growing love I see in your heart.

And during the 14^th session, one participant affirmed this message. She said, 

‘I know. I am very sure that at one point in your service you felt disenchanted by the decreasing number of participants. But I want you to know, that one invitation is enough. The people who are here, like me who felt so much joy of experiencing the love of the Father will be like a pebble thrown in the water and would create ripples. We cannot help but share and let others experience also. Thank you. Just continue and don’t stop.’

Now we have 11 participants who are discerning to undergo formation next year, two of them are in their Youth. One 19 and 21 years old, who persevered through the sessions.  So please, let us pray for them too.

LEARNING EXPERIENCE

1. From the 14^th session. “The apostles of all times and ages should act not trusting upon their own preparation or ability, but in the power of Jesus. Effort, preparations, prayers are very necessary. But the result is not up to us but by the Grace of God.  Everything is Grace.
2. The mission work is never about I-alone, but We- together as family, brothers and sisters. God’s message for me during the desert day before the start of the mission was Isaiah 43:1-7. Where he commanded and promised.” Do not be afraid, I am with you.”  I felt God through prayers encouragement, love and support from PLW family especially from Sis Connie. There was also a time when I had work assignment in a dangerous place, got sick and even lost my voice prior to Saturday.  But because I know very well, God wouldn’t allow me to be absent on my workshop sessions. All is well. We had no cancelled sessions despite the earthquake, heavy rains, storm, brown outs and I never had cancelled or delayed flights.  God was present though people, friends, Bacolod people especially kimee and Rinah, and even strangers. God gave me friends who are also doing mission work – through them my struggles were bearable because of their insights and sharings. God gave me so much love and learning from Bacolod people. Through them also, they give me strength and courage facing troubles.  I am also happy for the visiting guides, Bro Derrick, Tito Domeng and Tita Mila. Those who joined me on my (unknowingly) birthday – sis Janice, Emi and Edna.  

                              “Do not be afraid. I am with You.”

    3. Humility in accepting God’s providence through other people. If it is God’s work,

        surely He will provide everything – finance, food and shelter. Your only focus is to 

        do, what you are expected to do.

   4. Constantly rectify your intentions. Only God should be the moving force behind your

       work. Everything depends on your intentions. God cannot bless the works of a person 

       who through the work of his apostolate systematically seeks his own self-interest.              (LSG)

   5. Pray, even if you don’t feel like praying.

   6. Receive and always be love-filled. God’s love is everywhere.

Thank you.

POINT OF REFLECTION - MIRACLES

August 1
First Friday Mass, St. Michael the Archangel Chapel, Trinoma,QC
(excerpt from homily of Fr. Carl)

'And He did not perform miracles there because of their lack of faith.' - Matthew 13:58

Today, people of present world find it difficult to see miracles.
Someone asked, 'Father. Why is it that in the past and the time of Jesus, there were many miracles recorded in the Bible. Bakit ngayon, parang wala na masyadong milagrong nangyayari? why?'

Two things

1 - Hangga't kaya pang ipaliwanag ng reason. Hindi milagro yun. Dahil, we become more       intelligent, analytical, magaling!

2- Dahil hindi ka na naniniwala sa Diyos. We often fail to see how the hand of God works in little or daily miracles. Because we believe so much in ourselves so much already.

How can God show you His miracles... if you do not allow Him?
How can God guide you...if you do not follow?
How can God give you His message...if you do not listen?

Look at the birds....

"YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE. I AM HERE WITH YOU."

July 13, 2014
8:00 A.M.

(Excerpt from journal notes )
Kanina I was watching two birds. They look like gray kalapati that looks like a quail. I don't know if they are lovers, or best friends, or mother and son/daughter, or brothers or sisters. I kept observing them. Both are walking together, fly together, but at the same time busy picking up something for themselves. Sometimes, when they are too busy picking up something, and the other looked up, and the other bird seemed distant.  The other bird gets near him.  They pause for a while, and again do what they have to do.  Although they were super close, the birds don't pick up something and give it to the other.  They do things individually.  Even when are with a group of birds like them, or a maya bird came to say hi and make chika2 with them. You can identify them, because of that special bond between them. Everyone eventually flew away, and still both of them remained together.

I think the two birds look after each other.  Though they are busy with their own tasks. They always make sure that the other never feels "alone", always.  Siguro commitment nila yun sa relationship nila.

Go ahead and share your own reflections....


Monthly Desert Day of Guides & Sending Forth
Holy Spirit School - QC